as i'm leaving the one i want to take
by nedlovesyou
Summary: "You're so busy worrying about him that you can't see how much he worries about you, too." / Caitlin wants to go on a mission with Barry, but he doesn't think it's a good idea. Caitlin/Barry. One-shot.


**My first Flash/Snowbarry one-shot! I've been loving The Flash so much and I honestly love every character and pretty much every ship, but I can't help being drawn to these two. Danielle Panabaker is my queen and Caitlin Snow is such an interesting character, and after her scenes with Barry in 1x03 I knew I was a goner. Been thinking about them all week, and after multiple tumblr edits and a fanmix, fic writing seemed like next logical step. ;)**

**I apologize for any typos. Tried my best to catch them all.**

**Thanks to everyone on tumblr who helped me out with finding a villain for this story! I don't know if this how Girder will be in the show, but it's how I wrote him so... enjoy!**

* * *

><p>Caitlin's had enough.<p>

Barry is getting ready to hunt down the meta-human of the week, a steel plant worker named Tony Woodward. After assaulting a female coworker and pissing off pretty much everyone in the plant, someone decided to get some justice… by tossing Woodward into a vat of molten steel. The experimental S.T.A.R. Labs scraps in the vat gave Woodward some pretty dangerous abilities – super strength, high resistance to pain, and an exoskeleton made of living iron. He was basically given a supervillain starter kit, as Cisco called it, and is running around Central City calling himself Girder and seeking revenge on those who hurt him. Including S.T.A.R labs.

The steel plant union is hosting an event at a hotel located just on the edge of Central City's limits. They are sure Girder is going to be making an appearance, and Barry was quick to suggest meeting him there. Dr. Wells and Cisco went on crafting a plan without question, but Caitlin couldn't fight the feeling of dread in her bones.

"You do realize that this guy is made of steel, right?" Caitlin interrupts.

"Of course we do!" Cisco replies. "It's the coolest part about him."

"This isn't cool, Cisco. Barry's putting himself in serious danger."

"Barry's always in danger, Caitlin," Harrison says matter-of-factly. "This time won't be any different."

"We've already established that Barry's powers won't have any effect on him unless he's travelling at a speed significantly greater than one he's ever reached before. To reach that speed, he's going to need a lot of space – space not available within the confines of a three-star hotel!" Caitlin argues.

"Barry is going to get to him before he reaches the party—"

"And if he doesn't?" Caitlin raises her brow. "What happens when Girder catches a glimpse of The Streak, a known associate of S.T.A.R Labs, the organization that destroyed his life?"

For a moment she thinks she may have actually succeeded in convincing them that this was a terrible idea, but then Dr. Wells asks Cisco to pull up a video feed of the hotel's security footage.

"Fine, if you guys are set on this idea, I guess I'll have to accept it," she raises her voice as they continue to talk around her. "But I'm going with him!"

That silences them. All three of them stare at her, mouths agape.

"Absolutely not," Harrison finally responds. "You have a constant record of Barry's vitals in the palm of your hand. There's no need for you to be there."

"There is only so much I can do from a desk, Dr. Wells. Give Felicity Smoak a tablet and she'll be able to take over the world in less than a second, but me? I'm a scientist. My skills are based around observation and hypothesis. I can't keep making decisions based on graphs and charts." She tries her best to present a logical case, one that they can't dispute. She's careful not to mention Barry by name, instead: "I need to be closer to the subject."

Harrison sighs, shaking his head. "I disagree, and I'm not going to waste any more time fighting with you on the matter. Now, you're welcome to stay here and contribute in the same way that you always have, but I can't have you here if you're going to be second guessing every move we make."

Caitlin stills. She turns to Cisco, but his eyes are fixed to his computer screen. With the little hope she has remaining inside, she looks to Barry for the first time since he suggested the mission.

"You understand, don't you?" she asks, her tone softer than it had been moments before.

"I do," Barry answers. With a smile, she reaches for her coat and wraps it around her, but then he continues: "But I still don't feel right about you coming with me."

Her heart sinks.

"Fine," she says, shoving her hands in her coat pockets and heading towards the door. As she slips past Barry, she can't help getting in one final word.

"Get yourself killed for all I care."

/

She's on her fifth lap around the building when Barry steps outside, his long black coat covering the suit he's wearing underneath. Part of his mask peeps out of his right pocket, and her breath catches at the sight of it.

"You're leaving already?" she asks softly, having calmed down somewhere between the third and fourth lap. She starts walking towards him. He meets her halfway.

"Yeah," he answers, and she swears he sounds apologetic. "Dr. Wells was right. It's best to get there before Girder does. That way we can minimize the collateral damage."

"Of course." She has to agree with the logic.

Silence falls between them. She knows that nothing she says will change his mind, but he's looking at her like he's waiting for her to try again, so she does.

"You've never faced anyone like him, Barry."

"I know."

"We don't know how your powers will stand up against his—"

"I know."

"—and there's a chance he might see you before you see him—"

"I know."

"—and if something happens to you out there, you might not be able to get back to us in time—"

"Caitlin!" Barry raises his voice, not in anger or in frustration, but because he needs her to listen to him. He reaches out to grab her shoulders, noticing how pent up she has become over the course of their conversation, and he feels the tension leave them as she lets out a breath. "I know the risk. It's one that we've taken many times before, and we have made it through each time."

"You're right," she sighs. "I know you're right. But I can't shake this feeling that you are going to need me there tonight, Barry."

"You will be with me," he grins, reaching up to tap the communication link in her ear. "You always are."

Caitlin, despite herself, can't help the smile tugging on her lips. Barry drops his hands back to his side, the smile still lingering on his lips as Cisco's voice comes through their earpieces.

"Girder's heading up the front steps, Barry! You better get there fast!"

And with a loud swoosh and gust of wind that she's become all too accustomed to, Barry is gone.

After throwing a quick glance in the direction he's headed in, she turns towards the doors and heads back inside. The elevator chimes when she reaches their floor, announcing her presence to Cisco, who's still monitoring security feed from his desk. He looks towards Caitlin when she enters the room, shaking his head with a laugh before returning his attention to the screen.

"What?" Caitlin asks while taking off her coat and reaching for her tablet.

"I just find it funny, is all. You're so busy worrying about him that you can't see how much he worries about you, too."

Before she has a chance to digest the remark, the loud thud of Barry's body colliding with the cement sounds through her ears.

"Barry!" Harrison yells, as Cisco tries his best to locate Barry on the video feed and Caitlin swipes rapidly through all the different spikes of data on her tablet.

"Barry, can you hear me?" Harrison tries again, but to no avail. For a while there's nothing but silence, until the sound of steel footsteps making their way across pavement start growing louder in the team's ears.

"Guys!" Cisco yells. Caitlin and Harrison rush to his screen, where they see Girder standing over Barry's still body in an alley beside the hotel. He bends down, reaching towards his ear, and snaps the communication link in his hand.

"Oh… no," Cisco reacts. Caitlin can feel her entire stomach flip. "This is bad."

With alarming grace, the meta-human steps over Barry's body and through the hotel's side entrance. He sends a wave in the camera's direction before grabbing hold of Barry's shoulders and pulling him inside, disappearing from view.

/

Caitlin isn't sure how or why, but Dr. Wells agreed that sending Cisco and herself to the hotel would be the best course of action. Suddenly she's standing in the same spot that they had been watching on the cameras, the same spot where Barry's body had been, and she thinks she may be sick.

"Alright, let's think about this," Cisco begins, pushing the side door open and taking a step inside. Caitlin can hear the panic in his tone, but he's doing his best to keep it hidden so she does her best to ignore it. "Girder had to have been expecting Barry tonight."

"Yes," Caitlin replies, her voice just as shaky and panicked as Cisco's. "But he's got a whole room of people upstairs who he's sworn revenge on. Why waste time taking Barry?"

"Well, he had to have known that Barry would come out of it eventually. Maybe he was worried about him throwing a wrench in his plan."

"Maybe," Caitlin agrees, looking around for any sign of where they might have gone.

"Uh, Caitlin?" Cisco freezes, grabbing hold of her arm to stop her.

"What?" She looks to him, his widened eyes staring down the hall ahead of them.

"I think I figured it out."

Caitlin follows his line of sight and catches a glimpse as what's waiting for them.

"If Barry got up, there wouldn't be any reason for us to come looking for him."

The sound of clapping echoes through the hall.

"Congratulations," Girder addresses them with a hollow voice, emerging from the shadows at the end of the hall. The light reflecting of his steel skin dances throughout the room as he starts moving toward them. "You've figured out the next step of my plan."

"Yeah, now how about we skip to the last one?" Cisco shouts. Caitlin's surprised at how fearless he seems.

Girder doesn't seem very intimidated, picking up his pace. "If you insist…"

And in an instant, Caitlin's world turns black.

/

Somebody is calling for her. She can hear them somewhere far away and she is trying her best to go to them, but she's blinded. She tries to scream, tries to tell them that she's okay – that she's on her way to them. But not a sound comes out of her mouth.

She feels like she's been in this world for years before the voice finally becomes clear. It's Barry. He's calling for her, and she'll be damned if she doesn't get to him in time.

"Caitlin!" Barry's voice is louder than ever, and her eyes fly open.

The first thing she notices is the single light bulb hanging from a chain in the middle of the room. The only source of light in the room, it swings rhythmically from side to side, illuminating a little more with each swing. They must be in the basement, she deduces by the lack of windows and the draft. It takes a minute for her to see Barry, but he's there across from her on the other side of the light. He's tied to some sort of chair, and when she tries to shift her body she notices that she's restrained as well.

"Are you okay?" Caitlin asks when their eyes connect, unable to conceal the panic in her tone.

"I'm fine," he assures her. "Are you?"

"Yes," she begins to nod her head, but the movement makes her head feel like her brain in swimming in her skull and she has to close her eyes to will the pain away. It's then that she notices the wet, scratchy feel of dried blood on forehead. _That asshole hit me in the head_, she thinks.

Barry laughs. She must have said that part out loud. He's still smiling when she brings herself to look back at him, but his eyes are filled with worry.

"Where is Cisco?" she asks, remembering how tightly he had been holding her before she lost consciousness.

Barry's about to respond when a door clicks open from behind him, and Girder enters the room.

"Oh, I really knocked that sucker out," he says, eyes on Caitlin. "Didn't like his attitude."

He places his steel hands on Barry's shoulder, and Barry jumps.

"What do you want from us, Girder?" he asks, keeping his eyes focused on Caitlin. She knows he's scared, but he sends a subtle nod of reassurance in her direction as they await Girder's response.

"Hm, what could I possibly want from you two?" Girder begins pacing between them. "I mean, you're only two of four acting members of S.T.A.R Labs. How long do you think it will take Dr. Harrison Wells to wheel himself over here to get you?" Girder smiles sinisterly. "I think we might have a little time to kill, so…" he turns his attention back to Caitlin. "We might as well have some fun."

Caitlin fixes him with the strongest glare she can muster, trying her best to be as intimidating as Cisco would have tried to be. Girder laughs in a way that chills the blood in her veins.

"What is it with you women, thinking they have any right to look at a man like they hold all the power in the world?" he asks, walking slowly towards her. "I've got news for you, sweetheart. I could take your neck in my hands and end your life the same way you would push the air out of a plastic bag." Putting a hand on each arm of her chair, he leans in close and adds with a whisper, "and there's nothing you could do to stop me."

Caitlin's heart is pounding, her breaths coming out quicker than she ever thought possible, and her entire body is shaking beneath Girder's form.

"Hey!" Barry shouts. "Get away from her."

Girder barely turns his head in Barry's direction, a grin stretched across his face. "What's the matter, don't like having me so close to your girlfriend?"

Barry's quiet for a moment, but when Girder turns back to Caitlin he raises his voice.

"Nah, man, it's cool. I understand if you can't get your own."

That gets Girder's attention.

"Oh, I didn't mean to offend you. I'm just saying, I figured that you probably don't have a lot of experience with women, what with your history of violence against them. It must make dating kind of hard – although, you did get a cool new look out of the deal. It suits you."

Girder turns his back on Caitlin completely, and his fuming gaze is fixed on Barry. Caitlin sees his hands flexing into a fist, and she can hear his breathing start to escalate as Barry continues antagonizing him. She can't even focus on what he's saying anymore, her attention glued to the cloth tied around her wrists and ankles. She knows that if they have any chance at getting out of this situation unscathed, they are going to need to get outside where Barry has enough space to build up the speed he needs to hit Girder with enough force to take him out.

Girder may be smart, but he's not as resourceful as he'd like to think he is. With a little shaking and pulling, she manages to loosen the cloth enough to lift her foot up to her hand, where she makes quick work of pulling her heel off of her foot. Turning the shoe in her hands, she manages to slip the heel in between the cloth and her wrist. Using the heel as leverage, she loosens the cloth completely and she slips her hand out of its grasp. As her first restraint falls to the ground beneath her, she quickly begins work on her freeing herself from the rest.

_Thank god I didn't go with those flats today_, she thinks to herself.

As she's working on getting her last foot free, she steals a glance in Barry's direction. Girder's gotten closer to him, but there is still some distance between them. She can see him through the space between Girder's arm and side, and although his eyes are glued to Girder's, she knows that he can see her moving around freely.

"You know, Girder, as much as I love pissing you off, I think our fun is over," Barry says with a smile, before suddenly turning to Caitlin.

"RUN!"

Caitlin's amazed at how quickly she reacts to the command, and she's dropped her heels and made it through the door before Girder even realizes what's happened. She can hear Barry shouting after her, telling her to get as far away from the building as she can. As much as she wants to turn around and make sure he can get himself free, she trusts that he has a plan. As she begins her ascent up the staircase, the sound of Barry's voice fades and the pitter-pat of steel footsteps keeping pace behind her takes its place. With as much speed as she can muster, she pushes herself over the top step and through the doors into the lobby.

It seems the party is just getting out, and she uses the crowd of people leaving the parlor room to her advantage, weaving her way through them in random movements in the hopes that Girder will lose her trail. She can't help the relief she feels when she reaches the revolving door, but once she's pushed her way through and is met with the quiet of the darkened street, her fear returns. She hesitates for a moment, looking around erratically for a good place to run to. Stealing a glance behind her, she sees Girder push his way through the last group of people and his eyes lock onto her. She turns quickly back around and bolts, making a quick decision to turn left towards the bridge. If she can get Girder to follow her there, Barry should be able to hit him with enough force to knock him over the edge. She wishes there was a way to get out of this without killing him, but the anger in Girder's eyes every time he looks at her makes her fear that its foundation inside of him is too strong to be broken.

She's halfway to the bridge when a spark of pain jolts through her body. It starts in her feet, the pavement having torn her exposed skin, and travels all the way to her pounding head. Dizziness hits her, and suddenly the city looks like its spinning. She can't tell the difference between the stars and the city lights, but as she tumbles down to the ground, she's sure she sees a familiar flash fly past her.

/

She can tell she's in S.T.A.R Labs before she even opens her eyes.

"Caitliiiiin," Cisco hums her name. "I'm about to readjust the height of your chair."

"Don't you dare." Caitlin's eyes fly open, and she's met with Cisco's signature grin.

"I knew that'd snap you out of it," he laughs.

"Is everyone okay?" she asks, noticing the bandage over his forehead. His wound must be twice as big as hers.

"I've been better," he replies. "But I think the bandage makes me look like a badass, don't you?"

Caitlin wants to smile, but something's stopping her.

"You want to know if Barry's okay," Cisco states, reading her with more expertise than she gives him credit for. She simply raises her brow, unable to make the words come out of her mouth. Cisco smiles at something behind her. "I'll let him tell you himself."

Caitlin follows his line of sight to see Barry entering the room, suit in his hands with a S.T.A.R Labs sweat suit hanging loosely over his frame. His gaze shifts from Cisco to Caitlin, and when he sees that she's looking back at him, his shoulders fall.

"You're awake."

She sits up to turn towards him, but the movement proves more difficult than she had anticipated. He's next to her in an instant, arms wrapped around her, steadying her.

"Be careful," he says softly, helping her settle into an upright position on the table. "I've seen you unconscious too many times today."

She's sure he means the comment to be taken lightly, but she feels the weight of it instantly. She can't help thinking back to what Cisco had said to her earlier about Barry worrying about her, too. There's a flutter in her heart that she pretends she doesn't feel.

"Yeah, I haven't seen you that out of it since the barhopping debacle of '09," Cisco laughs, easing the sudden tension in the room. Barry looks at him inquisitively, but Caitlin shoots him a glare that makes him reconsider elaborating further. "I'll give you two a minute."

Barry's smile fades when Cisco leaves, his attention shifting back to the girl in his arms. Being alone, he suddenly feels awkward about their position, so he pulls his arms back to his side and slowly lowers himself to sit beside her. He can't help but think back to the moment they shared outside the particle accelerator all those weeks ago – the first moment he caught a glimpse of what lay underneath her icy exterior. There are still moments that she puts her guard up around him, and as she stares straight ahead, refusing to look at him, he hopes that this isn't one of them.

"I'm sorry," she says, her voice coming out in a whisper.

"No." He's quick to dismiss the apology. "If you and Cisco hadn't have come looking for me, I don't know how I would've gotten out of there."

"If I hadn't have been pacing around outside when you left, we might have been able to catch sight of him before got to you!" she snaps, turning towards him suddenly. "If I had kept my emotions in check, this never would have happened."

Barry's eyebrows furrow. "You were just fighting for the strategy you thought best."

"It was never about strategy, Barry," Caitlin shakes her head, eyes brimming with tears. "It was about making sure I didn't lose you."

Barry falls silent. Caitlin turns away, unable to look at the surprise on his face at her accidental confession. It's quiet for a long time. She can still feel him looking at her, and the only thing keeping her from running is the ache spread throughout her body.

Suddenly, Barry reaches for her hand. She tries to ignore the trail of warmth his thumb leaves as it grazes her skin.

"I need you to understand something," he says, his voice coming out like gravel. She closes her eyes for a moment to build the strength she needs to turn towards him again. He waits for her, and when her eyes meet his: "I didn't want you to come with me tonight because… I didn't want anything to happen to you." He laughs then, looking down at their hands and tightening his hold on her. "I guess I had to make sure I didn't lose you, either."

Caitlin's breath comes out as a shaky sigh, and she feels a relief she wasn't aware she had been searching for. Before she can stop herself, she falls against him, wrapping her arms around his middle. Her head should hurt when it crashes against his chest, but it's hard to notice the pain with his cheek pressed against her forehead and his arms settling around her. And as they enjoy this brief moment of solace, Caitlin can't help but smile as the thought comes to mind…

_Cisco was right._


End file.
